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Maria T

Pamela,
Wow, I really know how you feel. I also have good days and bad days but I deal with all of those problems everyday almost. It is sometime hardest when I go through a long streak of good days and almost feel normal then come crashing down again on a bad day and feel like a sub-human zombie. I am also extremely frustrated with word recall. It so hard to have a good flow of conversation when you keep forgetting words mid-sentence. It has wreaked havoc on my social life! I feel like I used to have this big blackboard in my head that outlined my thoughts and now its just blank and it makes it harder to communicate spontaneously and express myself. I feel like people don’t see who I really am because there is so much that I can’t express which gets left unsaid. I am a slow reader and it is harder for me to retain subject matter than others but I am trying my best. This is my last semester in school. (I started school late at 24 due to my tumor. I am now 29.) I am wondering if I will be able to actually hold down a job in the real world with these sort of cognitive challenges. Hopefully there is a place for me out there. Sorry this is not a super positive message but I am sort of excited to talk to someone with my specific issues and I just kind of wanted to relate. For me its been 11 years. I know what you mean about feeling less than. I always feel like I have to run at 120% to equal up to people running at 80%. I feel like inside I am the same valid person but so much just gets lost in translation you know? I hope things improve for you. I actually really do feel as though I am constantly improving year by year. I was just was excepted into the honor society at my school, which is the top ten percent. I think the challenges in my life have made me more determined to prove myself. I also in some ways feel privileged to have gone through my specific health issues because they gave me a valuable life experience that some will people never get to go through or understand. All the best,
Maria